Not.
It's been 2 months since my last post. During that time, I underwent that nasty chemo I posted about. I'm now 2 1/2 weeks PFC (post final chemo, or as I like to say, post fucking chemo), and I'm getting stronger every day.
I told you all that I'd let you know how this last round of chemo went. It was... Well, it wasn't something I'd ever want to repeat. Each treatment took place on a Monday and the shot I talked about on the following Tuesday. By that afternoon, I'd be in bed -- for a minimum of 4 days. You want to talk about fatigue? I've never been so tired in all my life. I was also nauseous the entire time, but never once did I get sick. Like I said, thank goodness for all the anti-nausea drugs I was given. They worked -- as best they could.
My husband and kids took wonderful care of me during those weeks. On the rare times when I'd get hungry, they'd run out and get me whatever it was I was craving -- which was, oddly enough, usually McDonald's. Weird, I know, but hey -- those little cheeseburgers hit the spot. The kids would check on me often during the day, refilling my water glass (gotta get those fluids in no matter how icky you feel) or they'd just sit with me to chat whenever I'd find myself awake.
Typically by Saturday, I'd feel a little better. Good enough to get out of bed and move to the couch, at least. I'd spend the next week slowly recovering, only to turn around and have another treatment the following Monday. I had four of these treatments in all, each 2 weeks apart. They were grueling, both physically and mentally, but you know what? I DID IT.
I said from the moment I was diagnosed that I'll do whatever I have to to beat this. I'm happy to say that I've completed the first hurdle -- I'm DONE with chemo!! Yes, I'll still be getting Herceptin every 3 weeks for the next 9 months to treat the HER2 tumor, but that's not considered a chemo drug. It's considered a "targeted therapy" -- a protein.
I AM DONE WITH CHEMO! Man, it's so great to say that :)
Now, on to the next step -- surgery. I'll be having a single mastectomy in a few weeks. They'll also do a SNB (sentinel node biopsy) beforehand to see if the cancer has traveled into my lymph nodes. We're hoping that by doing chemo first, this hasn't happened. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that's true.
Surgery is going to be hard on me -- again, not just physically, but mentally as well. I like my boobs. I've always liked my boobs. And now I have to lose one. Yes, I know they can do amazing things with reconstruction. And yes, I have a great plastic surgeon lined up to do the work. But there's nothing like the real thing. Nothing like the sensations only the real thing can give you. I'm going to miss that. So much.
In the meantime, I'm just taking each day as it comes. Recovery is a slow process, but like I said, I'm getting better every day. I even went to the store yesterday AND cooked dinner for my family! Crazy, I tell ya :) I'm working some on my writing, too. My creativity waned during the chemo process, and I'm sure it will after surgery as well. But for now, it feels good to get a few words down as I can.
Also, now that I'm done with chemo (I can't say that enough!), I'm waiting for my hair to start growing back. I'm not sure if you guys know this, but I'm not always the most patient person. Over the last couple of days I have felt a difference in my scalp, but I don't see anything up there yet. All I can says is: Go, hair follicles! GO! I keep rubbing my head, encouraging the little guys to sprout. Soon, hopefully. Soon.
That's my update for now. I'm off to see if I can get a little writing done :) Everyone take care and have a great weekend!
I know I said it before, but take a photo when the hair begins to come back. It will mean so much to you all in the years to come when this is just a blip. And hey, when they do reconstruction, maybe get 'em both done and go up a size or three, hahaha! (My mom was a lot older so she never considered reconstruction, but I'm with you. I like my boobs, most of the time!)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to do that, Aileen. Maybe a photo a week, or something like that.
DeleteAnd I will have the other done so they both match :) In the state of IL, insurance has to cover reconstruction on the other breast, it's the law! Gotta love that... But I think I'll stay the size I am now!
Hey, Kristin. My heart bleeds for you every time I see an update. You've accomplished so much already. Hugs and prayers for you for the biopsy. And boobs? :). I only liked mine AFTER I had them done, but don't tell anyone,'K? LOL. I can't wait to see what rockin hair styles you get to try out as it grows back in!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kaily! I'm just hoping the little cowlick on the crown of my head doesn't come back with a vengeance. I can just imagine it all sticking straight up!
DeleteI can't tell you how strong a woman you are. I don't know you, but I'm so proud of you and how hard you are fighting.
DeleteMy sister (2 years younger than I am) chose to have a total mastectomy when her doc found a small lump. She didn't have chemo or radiation, opted for reconstruction surgery and had her other breast enhanced to match. Now she likes to remind me when my boobs are dragging on the floor hers will always be perky. She's 16 years out and doing great.
Never, ever give up the ship. Cherie Denis
Thank you so much, Cherie! Hugs to you and your sister!
DeleteWTG on the last chemo! Feels like you've conquered the world and the universe the day you walk out of that last treatment, innit? LOL, know the feeling. And yep, I was out for 72 hours after every Red Devil chemo session. But all that's behind you now!
ReplyDeleteSurgery... Awesome that you are having reconstruction. I didn't, and I lived for 5 years with one real boob and a fakie in my bra. Then when that sucker came back, I had the other one removed too and haven't had reconstruction at all. Chest as flat as a pre-pubescent boy now, lol, though you wouldn't guess when I wear the fakies. But all to say, reconstruction is a personal decision - what feels good for you is the best way to go. I've got a slight frame, and was a B-cup before. But even that put strain on my spine (which has a malformation - it's curved where it shouldn't) so even if I did get a boob job, I'd have to go A-cup if I didn't want the strain on my back. No real point going through surgery again for a meager A-cup that would still look flat. :) So I didn't get mine done.
And hair - I prefer to tell you already that your hair is probably gonna grow back curly/wavy/slightly kinky, esp if your hair was straight before. It took me a few years to outgrow the wavy hair and get back my straight locks. However, eating protein, lots of protein (eggs work best!), helps with the hair growing back quicker. Also helps the healing post surgery, and also if you're gonna have radiation therapy (?).
But the worst is behind you, aka chemo! :) Enjoy everything now, because this is where it gets fun to really live and be alive!
XOXO
Zee! You're so inspiring, thank you so much for all your advice! My hair was really curly before (I used to straighten it!), so I'm prepared and know how to deal with curl. Kinky... Well, that's a different story (isn't it always? LOL). Right now all I have coming in is that typical after-chemo white fuzz. Oy, I hope it all doesn't come back gray!
ReplyDeleteGlad if I can help, honey! :)
DeleteLol, with any luck, your hair will do a 180 on you and grow straight. It's gonna be really dry the first year it grows, though. I remember getting a L'Oreal smoothing serum to soften it up after every shampoo. That's from the L'Oreal Professional brand, the kind they sell in salons, not the drugstore kind. Try it. I'd have the ends trimmed religiously every 6 weeks until I outgrew that first post-chemo hair, then I let it grow longer than a Halle Berry short do. :)
The white fuzz is only until the hair really sprouts out, but like I told you, eating lots of protein helps with regrowth. :)
XOXO
Wooooooo hoooooooooooo!!! Fuck you, fucking chemo. You kicked its ass.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I'm so glad you're done with that part at least. And I know surgery is scary, and it is scary that your boobs are going to be changed. It will be different, that's for sure...but different doesn't equal bad. Remember that.
I'm sending you all of my good hair-growing juju. It'll happen sooner or later. :) And when it does, we want pictures.
Love you.